Ok! So the retirement celebration is over and what a time we had! Two sequestered"old folks" can really party ya'll. We got take out from my favorite Italian restaurant (meatballs!!!)
My colleague and dear friend gave me a vintage bottle of Dom Perignon. I actually had never had it before. Oh my! Smoooooth...Delicious. I realize how wonderful it is having NEW experiences.....
So, today I ponder: WHAT NOW? That will be a process of prayerful consideration.....
I reflect first on the things that I am grateful NOT to have to do any longer, that were a part of my routine for so many years: alarm set at 4:45am, jump up, wash the face, straighten the hair, put the makeup on, cinch up those 30-40mmHg compression hose, then get dressed. About a year ago, I started wearing scrubs.
Talk about a great idea! Working in pajamas, and I got to wear tennis shoes!(which helped the neuromas in my feet). Getting ready became alot like a pro sports player getting all taped for battle. With java in hand, I set out to the field. Every day except Wednesday, which was the sacred "Peak of the Weak".
The best thing NOT to have to do any longer is fight that daily traffic on Interstate 10. I became so resentful of all the time wasted at a standstill. The never-ending construction, for years. I used to quip that "by the time I retire it will take 6 minutes to get home"......Well, sadly that didn't happen, but I'm now free!!! Happy Dance!
I don't miss the prep, or the day to day problems of managing a practice. As humans, we have problems. Life has it's ups and downs and the human element always led to new situations to "manage". The medicine was the gravy and the exam room was my sanctuary. That is where the healing magic happened every day for me. I LOVED my patients and we shared life together. I miss that already......
The ABSOLUTE BEST THING NOT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH any longer is the TIME URGENCY! I was always on a treadmill. My sweet staff will tell you it was my glaring weakness (one of them, anyway). They never moved fast enough for me. I always felt behind and rushed, trying to manage time and keep a calm demeanor when the clock was the enemy. So as I have reflected, I have decided that THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO WORK ON the most as I adjust to this new routine.
Those who know me know I do not naturally "go with the flow". Well, I never have before.....
Raised by a Marine, everything was structured and judged. There was discipline and execution.
It served me well through the years but led clearly to an undercurrent of neuroticism.....(ha, just ask the staff....)
So WHAT NOW? Learn to breathe. Learn to be. Learn to observe. Learn to move more slowly and pay attention to how that all feels. My husband Paul has always told me just to "relax" and he would sing the little ditty: "Row, row row your boat, GENTLY down the stream....." It used to get on my last nerve! (to put it mildly....) He was in that little row boat gently rowing but I was somewhere on the Colorado River riding the rapids with a helmet on......
Well, now the river ride is over and I can choose both the boat and the speed. I can't say I am yet ready for the babbling brook, but the roar of the river has clearly become too much.
So, for TODAY, I shall notice a different pace of life and begin to adapt. I shall breathe and move more slowly. I spy the recliner. Life is good and we are healthy. I will do it just for today. After all, that is all we really have.
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Monday, March 30, 2020
TODAY!
This is the day I have been waiting for....for a VERY LONG time! March 30th, 2020!
Today I retire from my life's work. I have studied and "practiced" medicine and specifically dermatology for over 41 years. Whew! High Five, I'm still alive!
Why retire now? Why this particular day? Part of the choice was planned, the rest divinely coordinated...
Today would have been my Daddy's 88th birthday. 8's are important to me.... I was born in '58.
That was when The First Third began...
Married in '88, my life entered The Second Third....Son Luke born 5/3, Daughter Bryna 6/20.
My very favorite dog Bo, a regal gentle giant Rhodesian Ridgeback was born 8-8-88.
It seemed fitting to honor life by choosing Dad's 88th birthday, even though he has been gone for 6 years. We celebrated his last earthly birthday in 2013 after a trip to the Audie Murphy VA Hospital for an exacerbation of his COPD. (damn cigarettes). While waiting in the ER my Uncle Edgar (Yogi) entered Heaven on this day in Virginia, being finally released from his physical sufferings, cancer treatments and strokes....I can still close my eyes and hear him grin and say CHUUUUGAR in his slow Southern drawl....He was larger than life, 6 ft 6 inches, so kind and always had the Baird sparkle of humor just below the surface....
It was one of the toughest moments of my life telling my Dad he was gone.... It's hard seeing your daddy cry. There were many stories of Dad keeping Yogi out of trouble. Somehow, even at 81y/o my Dad felt like he needed to go first to prepare the place. Didn't turn out that way. So little in life turns out the way you think it will, or should..... When we were discharged from the hospital and got home, we had the cake, of course, and nearly burned the house down. Tough on his COPD, but traditions you know.....
Anyway, that was a long time ago. I digressed....Isn't that what these blogs are for?
Now, back to TODAY!
It is the Best of Times. It is the Worst of Times...(Remember Tale of Two Cities?)
History repeats itself.... It just is a reminder that good and bad, happy and sad co-exist in our lives....
We are in a crazy, scary, unpredictable time amid self sequestering during the COVID 19 pandemic.
My bestie Troodles says "only you can end a stellar career during a pandemic".....
Anyway, life actually came to a grinding halt 2 weeks ago, before the "official day".... Given my
"non-essential" status, I was thrown into the void a bit sooner than I "expected" however, given my
regimented, concrete self, I knew my career was not "really over" until my Daddy's 88th birthday, and that is TODAY!!!
Now Officially, My FINAL THIRD has begun. I've learned alot from patients and people and God over the last 61 years. I want to be intentional how I live out the rest of my life. It's presumptive of course, to assume I will have another third, but I am hopeful!
Come along with me, as I discover a new purpose for the remaining passion and heart beats of my life.
Today I retire from my life's work. I have studied and "practiced" medicine and specifically dermatology for over 41 years. Whew! High Five, I'm still alive!
Why retire now? Why this particular day? Part of the choice was planned, the rest divinely coordinated...
Today would have been my Daddy's 88th birthday. 8's are important to me.... I was born in '58.
That was when The First Third began...
Married in '88, my life entered The Second Third....Son Luke born 5/3, Daughter Bryna 6/20.
My very favorite dog Bo, a regal gentle giant Rhodesian Ridgeback was born 8-8-88.
It seemed fitting to honor life by choosing Dad's 88th birthday, even though he has been gone for 6 years. We celebrated his last earthly birthday in 2013 after a trip to the Audie Murphy VA Hospital for an exacerbation of his COPD. (damn cigarettes). While waiting in the ER my Uncle Edgar (Yogi) entered Heaven on this day in Virginia, being finally released from his physical sufferings, cancer treatments and strokes....I can still close my eyes and hear him grin and say CHUUUUGAR in his slow Southern drawl....He was larger than life, 6 ft 6 inches, so kind and always had the Baird sparkle of humor just below the surface....
It was one of the toughest moments of my life telling my Dad he was gone.... It's hard seeing your daddy cry. There were many stories of Dad keeping Yogi out of trouble. Somehow, even at 81y/o my Dad felt like he needed to go first to prepare the place. Didn't turn out that way. So little in life turns out the way you think it will, or should..... When we were discharged from the hospital and got home, we had the cake, of course, and nearly burned the house down. Tough on his COPD, but traditions you know.....
Anyway, that was a long time ago. I digressed....Isn't that what these blogs are for?
Now, back to TODAY!
It is the Best of Times. It is the Worst of Times...(Remember Tale of Two Cities?)
History repeats itself.... It just is a reminder that good and bad, happy and sad co-exist in our lives....
We are in a crazy, scary, unpredictable time amid self sequestering during the COVID 19 pandemic.
My bestie Troodles says "only you can end a stellar career during a pandemic".....
Anyway, life actually came to a grinding halt 2 weeks ago, before the "official day".... Given my
"non-essential" status, I was thrown into the void a bit sooner than I "expected" however, given my
regimented, concrete self, I knew my career was not "really over" until my Daddy's 88th birthday, and that is TODAY!!!
Now Officially, My FINAL THIRD has begun. I've learned alot from patients and people and God over the last 61 years. I want to be intentional how I live out the rest of my life. It's presumptive of course, to assume I will have another third, but I am hopeful!
Come along with me, as I discover a new purpose for the remaining passion and heart beats of my life.
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