I lost a dear friend last week. The patriarch of a family I cared for for over 25 years.
He was a retired pathologist, a remarkable man, and his death caught me off guard. He was 93 years young you see, full of vitality and verve. I started seeing him and his wife and family many years ago.
I started this blog to recall my memories of Dr L, but as I reflected, I started remembering his wife, who has been gone almost a decade now... So I diverge for a moment..... (probably why it has taken me over a week to complete the post). Sometimes you just have to go where the memories of the heart lead you......
She was particularly delightful..... the kind of person you could sit and talk to forever. The words "Sweet As Pie" come to mind as I remember her. She and her husband were very formal, gracious with every interaction. They would arrive early for their appointments, always dressed impeccably, Dr L in a dapper suit and tie and his wife in a beautiful dress with heels. "Old School", just like my grandfather......(who used to mow his Richmond lawn in a suit and tie.... for real.) Every year for my birthday they would send an enormous, lavish and incredible bouquet of flowers. (He has continued that tradition) She told me she always loved having flowers in her home. She admitted to loving the finer things in life and we spoke of fine dining and beautiful table place settings that she enjoyed every day. "Why wait for a special occasion?" she would say... "Everyday is beautiful and EVERY DAY is SPECIAL!"
I told her I shared her love of fine crystal and china and silver, and loved the idea of enjoying them often. With a smaller budget and a family at home that included "little people" at the time, my daily reality was different. I ashamedly told her once that we used paper plates most of the time at home. She very sweetly, yet emphatically proclaimed, "OH MY!"..... then quickly changed the subject, as I recall. I vividly remember being at Dillard's shortly after that finding some gorgeous, deeply discounted fancy china plates. I thought of her immediately and felt her encouraging spirit sending me overwhelming approval! I will never forget telling her the next time we were together of how I had bought them and were using them "most days". I can still recall the look of both delight and glee on her sweet face. "How Wonderful!" she excitingly exclaimed.....I thought of her every time we used them, for years, until I began purchasing even more expensive and exquisite ones over time. Ha. I always felt justified in those purchases because, well "Mrs L would be so happy!" I get that happy feeling even now.....and thus began using those "finer things" every single day. I think of her so very often....
Sadly, Mrs L had a sudden, massive stroke on her husband's birthday 9 years ago. She never regained consciousness and passed a few days later. It was devastating for Dr. L and he seemed lost for several years. They were married 58 years......
I watched him over time regain his balance and begin to pursue new and varied interests. He had a large family, and many friends. He loved going out to lunches and dinners, formal of course..... At first they took him out to keep him busy. Over time, they became traditions and ones that he clung to as routine and enjoyable. Dinners with his son and daughter in law every Tuesday and his daughter on Thursday night. Countless other structured outings.... He had favorite restaurants and favored servers. He loved the formalities and predictability.
Dr L and I were kindred spirits of sorts. I appreciated so much of what made him unique, his intellect and discipline and routine and kindness. The way he adored his wife and loved his family. We would talk about his day to day routines. His health and zest were amazing. I always took mental notes of our visits because he seemed the exception to dullness and aging. I wanted to learn his secrets, if there were any. He was always busy! He spent a few years digitizing their old family photos. He taught himself to scan and organize them. He told me of his great life, full of wonderful memories of work, travel and family. He said it was a great project and he was fortunate to be able to relive the memories that had given him so much joy many years ago. It was fun to remember..... Although he missed his wife terribly, he did not expose sadness or longing in the reliving of the past. To the contrary, he seemed full of GRATEFULNESS at having lived those times with the people he loved. He became my Facebook friend and learned to message and post. I recall thinking how my Dad died at 83 and never learned to text..... Dr L. kept young by his interests, and relationships with friends and family. He exercised daily, and stayed active. His routine was VERY STRUCTURED and his diet predictable. I remember once he told me (when asked about his diet), that he enjoyed a "half of a muffin" for breakfast on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I was always so interested in how he lived because he seemed so alive. He probably thought I was an interrogator..... The "half a muffin" thing always intrigued me and once I remember asking him, "Dr L do you ever eat the other half of the muffin?" He sort of shuttered and then looked at me like I had purple hair. "No, it never occurred to me." was his reply. I immediately felt foolish even asking.... I should have known what the response would be from a man of such discipline.
Years after his wife died I tried to fix him up with a woman I knew well, same age and a professional, still working, refined and very formal. They would have had so much in common and I thought they could have wonderful conversations and be good company. I was so nervous to make the introduction and waited years before I got the nerve up to ask him if he would be interested in meeting her. He very immediately declined, saying he only had ONE LOVE in this life, and that was that......
I will miss you Dr L. Your devotion, love and remarkable life will always serve as an inspiration to me. I am a better person having known you and I am grateful that your life touched mine....
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