SELF EVALUATION Part 1

It's been almost 6 weeks now since I retired.

My blogging has been in fits and starts. I thought it would be like a diary that I would do every day.
It actually takes alot of time and sometimes I have nothing to say worth saying....so not worth the energy expenditure or time.

I thought it might be a good time for Self Evaluation.  A sort of Performance Appraisal.  Even though I am trying not to grade and judge everything I do, I guess the drill is hard to break.  It's good to do it at certain junctures.  Six weeks seems like a good time to reflect.

In just random musings:

                     SLEEP    A (almost put a minus, but REALLY! It's a + from where I came.....)
My sleep hygiene remains excellent.  I go to bed before I am exhausted totally.  I can now stay up until 9:15 to 10pm depending on the day. We rarely watch "one more show" if it is late, knowing that the night time routine before bed takes another 15-20 minutes....cat's get their treats, secure the house, get things cleaned up and put up in the kitchen, change clothes, etc.  (95% of the time I still fall asleep quickly. I take my meds at bedtime so don't think I need them to go to sleep anymore.  I have considered stopping them but felt the need to catch up first.  I may be near.  Just don't want to screw up the rhythm.  Twice a week I will wake up "early" then repeat to myself "You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Give it to God and go to sleep". It usually works and I drift back off to sleep.
The key I am learning is just do NOT look at the time.  I sometimes sneak a peek because if it is before midnight I will take a benadry, justified by my allergies.  I always lay one out but take it 1-2 times a week.  If it is later, I don't want to take the pill because then I will be groggy in the morning.  Thus I sometimes peek..... Now if it is later than 2-3 am I don't take it and then my obsessive thinking may kick in and I flog myself. Three AM always has been the bewitching hour when I was working.  The alarm was set for 4:45am and undoubtedly I would obsess about something that was going on. It always seemed really hard to go back to sleep.  I had a nightmare this morning and I did the mental exercise "I wonder if it is too late to take the benadryl?" I looked at the clock and it sure enough was 3am.  Arghh...... Well now I know I have HOURS left to sleep but I started obsessing. It took me about 90 minutes to go back to sleep.  I have to work on "exorcising" that 3am curse. No need any more!  Most days, I will sleep in until the morning light peeks in the windows. That is how I remind myself it is time to get up. I just have to remember that. If it is not getting light, just "SHUSH and go back to bed baby!" The first couple of weeks of retirement I slept 11 or 12 hours. Now consistently I sleep in until 6:45-7:30. Usually 9-10 hrs. Usually glorious. I convince myself now, it is definitely an A plus!!!

Addendum: Paul had an MRI this morning scheduled at 8am ("Why so early?!!!") Hahaha
He set his phone alarm and I set "Old Faithful" at my bedside for 6:30 am just in case.
I woke with a fright when the light began peeking through the windows. I reached out and Paul was gone. I rolled over and looked at the time: 6:30 on the dot!

I'VE STILL GOT IT!!!.......smile

THE NEW NORMAL....

Well, there appears to be a new normal when it comes to medical care.
No more warm fuzzies.  Only robotic exposure and technicians.

We experienced first hand this new frontier on Tuesday.
Paul sprained his ankle really badly in January, then because it was weak, tripped over a pot
at the grocery store and ripped the ankle again in February.  Against my urging, he declined to go to the doctor, and then the COVID came and we couldn't..... We hoped it would heal in time, but progressively it became clear the anterior tendon was not normal. His foot slaps when he walks because the ankle is weak and he can easily trip now. Of course the ankle bone is connected to the knee bone, which is connected to the hip bone....so his gate is off and he now has hip issues.  When we go for walks it makes me nervous he will trip.  Our sweet future daughter-in-law Dr Nation, PhD anatomy professor, director of the program  at the dental school identified the exact tendon responsible for the weakness. Upon HER recommendation to have it evaluated, we made an appointment with an orthopedist who specializes in foot, ankle and lower leg.

We got an appointment in 2 days which was great! People are still hesitant going out and about. The MD had good training and relatively good reviews.  I wanted to go along to see what he said. Besides,  Paul doesn't hear so well... We were told on the phone that he would first see the Nurse Practitioner. I don't like that  but ok....I get the new system. The nurse screens, thus making the best use of the MD's limited time and expertise.  We showed up to the appointment 30 minutes early to do the required paperwork and have the "screening" for the virus.  We wore our dutiful masks and got off the elevator where I was immediately told I was not allowed to be there. "What? He doesn't hear well and needs me to be there". The young tech just kept sweetly, yet repeatedly saying over my objections, "I am so sorry only the patients are allowed to go back now"...... Damn. I wasted a lot of time putting that makeup on...... I was allowed to sit in the car.   Gee, thank you....

The process apparently went fairly smoothly and he was allowed to have the phone on so I could hear the evaluation, although not clearly.  The NP assessed it then said she thought an MRI would be a good idea.  Yay! That is the only way to see a tendon....(even tho they took the obligatory XRay, a prerequisite to further imaging...). She then escorted Paul out to the desk to schedule the MRI.  WHAT, NO DOCTOR evaluation??????

When Paul got to the car he said he did not have a follow up appointment with the Doctor but that he would do telemedicine next Wednesday to give us the results. Argh! I don't like this procedure one bit. Conceivably then, there is a chance this guy will want to schedule surgery without ever touching the patient!!! Unbelievable.....

What has happened to medicine?  "Providers" are now robotic technicians masked and gloved. No more shaking hands. No touching without gloves..  We can't even smile with warmth and flash our pearly whites.  (So glad I spent the last 18 months in metal....Guess there is no more need for those expensive veneers).....It's a new reality.  Now, just the facts,  the image and then screen time...

Just where are we headed with our health care?  It has been gradually happening for years, now complicated by the viral pandemic we find ourselves dealing with.....

 One of the most valuable lessons in medicine I ever learned was that " Healing is in the touch".  Dr. Coleman Jacobson was an old Jewish dermatologist I shadowed many years ago in Dallas, while doing my internal medicine internship at Baylor. ..... Dr Jacobson was a great big guy, with a great big Spirit. He would touch the patient, give the prescription then in his GREAT BIG BOOMING VOICE  DECLARE,  "THERE YOU GO!  I dress it and GOD will heal it!"  And so it was.....
Clearly, those were the good old days ......

As long as I have breath, for the rest of my life, I will be grateful for those lessons learned.
Even more now, I feel grateful that my jersey has been retired......