SEARCHING

Well, I have skipped a couple days.... I call it "energy management".  If I do not sit immediately at the computer after my morning exercise I get distracted by things, and chores, and drawers. Then I say to myself "just go with it!" The motivation comes in bursts to do such things, and when the motivation and energy are in sync I just do it.  This morning I went looking for another king sheet and got into the linen closet....OMG it's a jungle in there. I started unfurling and identifying the old, stained, scratchy, good ones, trying at the same time to sort sizes and pillow cases.  Paul was helping me.  It was the perfect time to "get 'er done" but after a half an hour I was decidedly and completely  overwhelmed..... Back on the shelves they all went. I have another closet of at least 18 pillows....just in case...what in the world for?  Well, another day, for starters....it's scary in there.

I've had a couple rough night's of sleep. One day the weather is hot, then turns cold and Paul and I don't always agree on the needed blanket type and fan (or ever agree....). It will be easier when it's 100 degrees every day, although it feels like it won't ever get here. Nor do I want it to really.... except maybe it will scare this virus away. I think the real reason I have not slept well is because maybe I just got caught up! Glorious sleep. Does a body good!

I seek inspiration for my life.... I remind myself of the goal: to be intentional with my time and life and energy. I guess if you don't have the specific goal in mind and on paper then you waste the heartbeats cleaning drawers.....

There are books I am currently reading, looking to for motivation and clarity.  The Bible, The Compound Effect and Living Your Best Year Ever (Darren Hardy),  Peaks and Valleys (Spencer Johnson),  Jesus Calling (Sarah Young) and How Good Do We Have to Be? (Harold Kushner). I have found that not reading my medical journals and not being on the freeway has freed up lots of time! It's amazing.  I have always loved inspirational and "self help" books, reading and searching for keys to be better. I started those back in my 20's. I can count the number of novels I have read on one hand. I like the "snippets" of chapters and bullet points. I guess it goes back to Bryna's assessment that my problems all stem from no formal Kindergarten....
 
I'm still wandering a little in this new world order....where there is none for no one. It is so easy to feel helpless and overwhelmed.  I don't have the clarity yet of my own personal order for The Final Third.. Just "relaxing" and "enjoying life" doesn't feel like it's enough. At the end of the day I look back  and realize how very little I have really done. Some say those are accomplishments enough....but not for me. Not just yet.....

I am still searching for more.....